Saturday, October 31, 2015

Yesterday was a hard, hard day. I couldn't visit with DH because all he would say was "get me out of here" and get so agitated. I sat on a bench down the hall from his room. That's where the Dr., nurse, Pallative care worker and psychistrist all came down and talked to me. I only saw him once all day. I was so nervous the whole time I was there that I could have jumped out of my skin. He was combative all night and I heard him yelling at the gals who changed his bed all the way down the hall. He was yelling and cussing at them. He hit the lift girl yesterday. He was taken to the nursing home last night at 5. That was what I was so worried aboout. I called at 10 to see how he did. He said he didn't know where he was and the nurse said he had been sleeping most of the time until they changed him. Then she told me "he didn't like that. You know what that means". So they had a hard time with him. I will go Sunday and take his other things over. I don't know if I will go see him or not. That is what is making me cry so much. I could be spending time with him but he can't get by just wanting me taking him home. That's all he said to me the whole week he was in the hospital. I just have to walk out of the room. In the NH he can just follow me out. He did stand up last night but they sat him right down again. I hope I get to see him again. The hospital suggested that I call in Hospice and I said I thought that was only for people six months out and she just nodded. Of course none of us know really but that is what they are thinking. He wasn't eating in the hospital so I'm hoping they will plop him in a wheelchair if he can't walk and take him to the dining room and put food in front of him. Maybe then he will eat. He was eating before he went to the hospital. I won't be going on about this here so much. I just can't bring myself to tell our friends yet. It is so final and heartbreaking  The boys are so supportive and you all have been too. Thanks so very much.

I did get a card made sometime, I forget when it was. Not very intricate but it did help take my mind off things. I used some pattern paper from DCWV sweater weather and cut out some leaves and inked them and put Glossy Accents on them to look like water drops.   Be kind to one another and have a Happy, safe Halloween.


11 comments:

  1. Oh Brenda, what a hard road for you. My guess is that this is a settling in period and hopefully the NH will adjust your hubby's meds to keep him calmer (without knocking him out altogether). Feeling really helpless all these miles away but thinking of you loads and sending love and hugs.

    Di xx

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  2. I wish I live closer Brenda, so I could give you a big hug. Stay strong, knowing that you have done the best thing for your hubby. As Di said, it will take him a little while to settle into his new surroundings and for the drs to get his medication adjusted. I hope each day gets a little easier for you. Sending lots of love xx

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  3. I'm so sorry this has been his reaction, Brenda, for him as well as for you. He is not himself any longer, but in his heart and yours he is the same man you love and who loves you. I hope you find the strength to tell your nearby friends so they can come and comfort you for those of us who are too far away to do so. You need your RL friends, honey, especially if you stop sharing with your bloggie friends. This is not a journey you should take without friends. I'm so glad you have your family, but you need friends, too, at a time like this. Sending love and hugs and lots of prayers, Darnell

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  4. Oh Brenda this is so hard for you. It is good your sons are being so supportive but Darnell is right, you need to let your friends know as you need them too. If it helps you then you must continue to share with us too.

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  5. Oh Brenda, I am so sorry. I am saying prayers for you. I agree with everyone that you need to either tell your friends or share with us...don't hold it in. Hopefully he will get settled in so that it will be easier for you. I hope you are taking care of yourself, too so you don't get worn down. Big hugs.

    Lisa
    A Mermaid's Crafts

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  6. Oh I know it is so hard to see the man you love act so differently. Hurts deep down....but you are doing what needs to be done. There are many around you that have your back. When my husband had a breakdown....every step I took, I asked God what to do and he directed my paths and gave me strength with each step. Look for God in every detail, and the greatest part is knowing that Jesus is praying for you, even now. God never gives us more then we can handle.

    At this point though, I might be saying "I have had enough God" You are a stronger woman then I am. Praying for you...and friends are an important part of this, and you have many. Keep looking up.

    Cards4ubylouise......looks like I am back to anonymous again!!!! :( knew it was too good to be true!!!

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  7. Brenda, all the comments above are so true. You need your friends at this time all around you for support both in RL and us bloggies who are so proud to be your friends. It will take time for hubby to settle but once he does things will get so much easier for you . Dad would stand at the front door of the NH with his bag packed and demand that someone take him home every morning but eventually as his illness progresed he forgot where home was and told us that where he was was the best place ever to be. Sending you huge virtual hugs my friend and keeping you in my thoughts constantly. Love and more hugs Mrs A.
    p.s. Can understand you being on tender hooks when you visit hubby too. We were nervous wrecks in the first few months (he kept asking when was he going home) in case one of us let slip we had had to sell the bungalow in order to pay for his nursing home fees so there are never ever any going back for him anyway.

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  8. You will make it, Brenda! You've already shown so much strength! You are loved and prayed for and God will help you through this!

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  9. Brenda, everything I could say others have said it here, and you know it in your heart, just know that I am truly keeping you and your husband close in prayer. I am asking God to give you strength, peace and comfort and the same for your DH! What a burden you are carrying, but you know HE is right there ready to lift you up! so lean on Him! Heart Hugs! Colleen

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  10. What can I say that the lovely ladies ahead of me haven't already said. My heart breaks for you. This disease is so horrible and destroys everything you hold dear. This isn't your sweet husband talking, it's the disease. He's confused too and probably scared because he doesn't understand what is happening to him. I still think you did the right thing. I have put you both on my prayer list. Take care, sweet lady! Hugs!

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  11. My heart breaks for you, Brenda. I can't imagine being in your shoes--or in Bill's. I'm thankful your children can provide comfort & support. Just know I'm a phone call away if it ever would help & you're surrounded with lots of warm, virtual hugs!

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